Jesika's Journal

1:20AM

so i havent been here in a while.

and a lot has changed.

the guy? doneski.

and next year, im going to Trinity College, in Dublin, Ireland. For the whole year. No soccer. I am excited on one hand, but seriously depressed on the other. We'll see how this plays out.


australia sounded awesome. but trinity is irelands harvard. and they dont come knocking on your door everyday. so you take a chance and run i suppose.

11:47PM

livejournal. wow its been a while. facebook has taken over my life

but life is good.

boston is amazing. visiting heather and loving life...so glad she came to the cross and back into my life and now im here at emerson.

life at school is good too.
soccer is over and that aint such a bad thing.

the boy is good. i think.
i fell hard for this one...we'll see how it goes.

smile. cause trouble. love life cause you only get to do it once

Current mood: chipper

11:05AM

isnt it funny how one day you like wake up and are comfortable in your own skin?

i dont know...just sometihng about this year. i am happy. physically...my body sucks right now...4 herniated disks and tendonitis in my hip. but mentally i am in 1000% a better place than i was anytime last year.

i love my classes and my team and my friends. i feel like i am living my life as opposed to crashing through it. its kinda nice.


alright...peace...i have to go kick some providence ass.

Current mood: contemplative

9:47AM

i'm home

this has been the best summer EVER

its an amazing thing to travel around on your own...especially when you go to college in the same city you grew up in

i dont know how to explain it...coaching little kids is actually pretty rewarding, especially when they come up and thank you afterwards...

or you get one so good it gives you the chills...

and going out with coaches at night....nows THERES a good time, especially on an ID...i swear im 22...


you know what? im fucking happy and im sad its over

this is what being 19s about

Current mood: calm

3:32PM

i am getting the hell outta here today...

a lil visit with em...then out...tomorrow morning, "rob" is picking me up in his saab convertable at bwi airport and taking me out...is this professional? oh well...im excited..its going to be fun...a little trouble never hurt anyone...holler at you navy

then hocro for a week...

family vaca with the hotties...you know how that goes....

then i just got hired by army...

5 weeks in a row NOT at home
its like im going away to college or something...cause i def missed that memo


PEACE!!

Current mood: ecstatic

3:32PM

online shopping is addicting. its way to easy to use that debit card. oh well..now i have more underarmour, another jersey, keeper gloves, and fieldplayer gloves.

one more week and im getting the hell outta here for a long time.

navy x2
hc x1
then maine...

its somthing unpredictable, but in the end its right...

Current mood: blah

12:09PM - this IS fun...

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8:38AM

lesson for life:

listen to your body. only you know how far you can push it. not trainers, not coaches, and certainly not dance teachers.

otherwise, you end up like me.


a stomach destroyed by OTCs
and a pelvis so twisted that neither two trainers, nor a chiro can fix you.


so now what?

Current mood: worried

3:39PM

life is random and ridiculous

yeah....thats what i have learned thus far

...but hey we won today

Current mood: confused

10:17AM - ok, i know this is kind of long, but its worth reading....

(stolen from natalie, from some other nice girl who wrote it)

Ode to the Nice Girls
This rant was written because a nice girl finally snapped.


I've read the tribute to the nice guys; this is my response.

This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don't understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mindgames, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congradulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)


By Jessica Leigh Griffith

Current mood: contemplative

5:55PM

You scored as Jason Varitek. You are Jason Varitek. You are a natural leader and are highly respected by many. You are tough and will duke it out with any purple-lipped princess when it comes to defending your buddies, which makes you a very loyal friend. Oh Captain, my captain! </td> Jason Varitek 83% Curt Schilling 53% Manny Ramirez 50% Theo Epstein 50% Johnny Damon 50% David Ortiz 46% Kevin Millar 43% Mark Bellhorn 33% Which Red Sox Player Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

9:38AM

You're not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you've met she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other......

6:00PM

i cant wait to go back...i miss life on the hill

Current mood: aggravated

10:31PM

4:35PM

Finals are like blowjobs
You know your going to suck
No matter how prepared you are you choke
And when its finally over you are in no rush to do it again.

thanks to my roomate for that one...hahahhahaha

should be studying...

Current mood: amused

12:28AM

i cant sleep, but cant stay awake

too much to do...too little time
finals start saturday on my birthday

must study...but at least that night i can party like its my birthday

but im a mess apparently

oh well...at least im a drunken mess...makes things go a little smoother...soccer semi = too much booze, and too much fun...thank god for seniors who are willing to walk you home when you dont know where you are...

dec 18th cant come fast enough...then i can drink with my cousins! whoo hoo

Current mood: stressed

9:37PM

livejournal...ive neglected you

i dont have time for my life, never mind yours

well..lets make this short and sweet...fake thanksgiving was ok, i pierced my naval, im sooo glad to be back at school, its funny how you just cant let go of some people, im really stressed, im getting really buff, and i havent had alcohol in two weeks.

yeah
thats about it

oh...i might be trying to go semi pro for soccer...well see how that goes

peace bitches

Current mood: stressed

10:50PM

sometimes i just dont think there is enough time in the day for me to live

i just have to survive until tuesday.

i can do it

....so much to do, so much to say, so much to think about....

its funny how things happen when you least expect it..and people walk into your life when you least expect it...but i think thats the way it is supposed to be...







ok enough pondering the world and procrastination...back to the thrid largest liberal arts workload in the country baby....

Current mood: exhausted

8:39PM - an ode to the holy cross mofos who think they are gods gift to the world

Oaksoc20: Today we salute you, Mr. Constant Collar Putter Upper. You, bedecked in popped collar, teach us that we no longer have to live with a cold back of the neck. Sure, your pink alligator polo may look feminine to some, but not to the 17 other frat guys wearing the same thing at the bar. Where others see thoughtless fashion conformity, you preach a higher gospel. You preach of a world where it's okay for a man to go tanning. You ask, "Why can't we wear make-up, and use shampoo with lavender essence?" So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, Mr. Fitch, because we all know, when we really need a piece of gum, you might have one.... in your man purse. This buds for you..."

Celtica121: omg i love you katie !!

OakSoc20: lol you too

Current mood: amused

12:13AM

"I don't know, its the battle, the going to war with the other guys, hanging together, having our own dorm, staying in hotels the night before the games, setting ourselves apart, being different than everybody else, having a chance to be somebody, to do something that people look up to you for, your strength, your courage, not everybody can play.....we're the lucky ones "  -holy cross women's soccer

so my freshman season offically ended today...so did the dry season btw...but anyways...

yeah..its crazy to think of what has gone on in the past couple months...i went from high school stand out to going through preseason hell, to actually making the team, to getting limited playing time, to starting, to actually having the team become MY team...my division one collegiate team

its insane...and its over...looking back it was worth it....im sad its over...kind of relieved, but sad...the experience was incredible...flying to games, staying in hotels, 8 hour bus rides...and i have to say i enjoy all of the gear...

im feeling kind of lost right now...but peacefully happy in a wierd way

Current mood: contemplative